


Mistletoe.

by Jind0r1



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet Ending, Christmas Special, F/F, Short One Shot, Sick Character, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28384944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jind0r1/pseuds/Jind0r1
Summary: Spending their 7th wedding anniversary during the Christmas season sounds like a beautiful thing especially when they are spending it together under the snow and the mistletoe that hangs over their head.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	Mistletoe.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey readers! It's been a long while since I've last delivered a 2JIn fic! And this time it's for my Christmas tradition to deliver an angst fic! I hope you'll enjoy this one-shot as much as I did writing it, I hope y'all wouldn't cry! Thank you so so much for all the love and support every one of you have given to me, I appreciated it a lot! Please let me know how you feel after the end of this story by commenting and leave a kudos too! Enjoy!

-

She lifts her hand up slowly from the blanket that was resting on her lap. Her eyes shine as she watches tiny little snowflakes fall onto her palms and melts away from the warmth radiating off her palm. Her smile fades away, her hand returns back to the position that they were at just now, resting on top of her lap.

Hyunjin's eyes stare out into the open space. She watches the city under her glow in different colours from the LED Lights. It's so colourful and joyous and yet she doesn't feel the same on the inside and she knows what to blame it on. She wishes she could look at such a beautiful sight for as long as she can with Heejin by her side. However, she knows that's not something that she can look forward to. One can only dream. She let out a soft sigh.

Heejin looks up from her tablet, she was reading on how to better help Hyunjin cope with her illness and place it on the coffee table next to her. Her hand reaches over toward Hyunjin's hands and holds it tightly in hers to warm the girl up. This got Hyunjin to look up at her with a small smile, this makes Heejin's heartache a little. The sight of Hyunjin's pale face and lips reminds her how long it has been since she has seen colours on Hyunjin's face. Heejin would always pray to God, hoping he would hear her prayers and give Hyunjin that extra bit of courage to continue living on until her illness takes her away from Heejin. 

"Do you think I'll be able to enjoy the next few months with you?" Hyunjin queries in a whisper. Her eyes looking elsewhere except Heejin's one. Afraid that she'll break out into tears and not be able to control herself. She'll hate herself a lot for that because she can't even stay strong for someone who is trying their best to be the strongest for her. She just wishes she has enough strength to go on, fighting this horrible illness that has been passed down to her and can spend as much as time as she could with Heejin.

“You can.” Heejin reassured, “I’ll be here with you, till death do us apart remember?” 

Hyunjin’s lip curls up into a pout when Heejin recites a phrase from their wedding vows seven years ago. She drops her head low and pulls her hands away from Heejin, the sudden coldness on her hand makes her heart crack a little more. Placing her hands onto the wheels of her wheelchair, Hyunjin turns to leave the balcony to head to her study room. Heejin is left behind alone in the balcony, she chews on her bottom lip as she tries to not let Hyunjin's action affect her too much.

_Two years ago, Heejin and Hyunjin were very happy with their married life. Waking up every day to see your lover by your side was a blessing for Hyunjin. She'll wake up first and draw the curtain to let the sun in to warm up their cold bedroom. It would cause Heejin to stir under the blankets and hurl a pillow at Hyunjin to draw the curtain back. Hyunjin wouldn't listen and goes to wash her face before heading to her study room. Her sanctuary._

_Hyunjin would pull out a book from her locked drawer and pick up her pen so she could pen down her day. She'll spend a good hour in the room penning down her days before she places it back into the drawer and locked it. Her book has turned into a diary for her. For her to remember how her day went with Heejin just in case she forgets about it a few days later._

_It's been a year since she finds out about her illness. Hyunjin can vaguely remember how she passed out in the toilet after her shower. The next thing she knows, she wakes up in the hospital with Heejin by her side. The doctor walks into their room with a thin-lipped smile on his face, he was there to deliver a piece of bad news to the couple. For Heejin, it's unexpected but for Hyunjin, she knew it was coming and it was just a matter of time._

_Hyunjin has been experiencing migraine headaches and short-term memory loss for the past few months before her hospitalisation. She initially dismisses it as a small headache which can be cured by taking painkillers. However, it soon got worse with time. She'll lose her state of consciousness for a split second and come back to reality not knowing what she was doing a second ago._

_The doctor stands on the other side of the hospital bed as he breaks the news of Hyunjin having Cerebral amyloid angiopathy to the two of them. Colours drain from Heejin's face when she hears the news, her hold on Hyunjin tightens. Hyunjin just let out a sigh as she hears the news. It's not uncommon for her because she lost her family members before because of that illness and it's genetic which meant she also had a high chance of getting it._

_"Is there no cure for it?" Heejin asks softly, her heart wouldn't stop beating quickly. Hyunjin can feel Heejin sweating through her palms, she's sorry that Heejin has to go through that with her. Heejin's heart stopped when she sees the doctor shake his head lightly, she can't believe it._

_"There must be a solution! Is there? Doctor! Tell me please!" Heejin cries out as she stands up to beg the doctor. Hyunjin's heart shattered at that sight, she drops her head into her hands and cries softly to herself. The doctor tries his best to comfort Heejin and tell the girl that rehabilitation and medication are available to help Hyunjin to relieve the symptoms._

_Hyunjin knows very well that those doesn't help because her family has tried it on her mother, but her mother still died at the end at the ripe age of 50. Hyunjin lost her favourite mother to such a horrible genetic illness._

_"There's no use Heejin," Hyunjin whispers out after awhile. The doctor has left them alone to think about how they want to tackle the illness. Heejin shakes her head, tears falling off her cheeks as she does that. She doesn't want to give up that easily, she doesn't want Hyunjin to just succumb to it without putting on a fight._

_"It's genetic Heejin, I saw how my mom died because of it. I don't want you to waste your money on me like that," Hyunjin sighs out, she reaches forward to cup Heejin's face in her hands. "Let me spend the rest of my time with you, without any medical help and all. I just want to spend my time with you."_

_Heejin's lips curl up into a pout and she nods her head. She rests her head on Hyunjin's lap as she cries quietly to herself, she's not ready to lose Hyunjin this quick._

-

Heejin stands in front of her calendar, "there are still five more days to Christmas." She has been busy caring for Hyunjin that she has forgotten how fast time has gone by. Just yesterday, she had to tell Hyunjin what had happened because the girl has started to forget what she's doing more often now. It's because of that, Hyunjin now refuses to leave her room. Scared that in case she says something to Heejin and forgets about it. 

Heejin goes to the living room and settles down on her couch. She turns on the television and her eyes are glued to the screen. She’s watching another movie that Hyunjin loves, hoping the sound would draw Hyunjin out of their room. She’s been doing that for the past few hours but to no avail.

Heejin has been trying her best to cheer the girl up for the longest time, the news of Hyunjin’s untreatable illness has been taking a toll on both their body. Hyunjin’s growing weaker and weaker from the illness's side effect while Heejin’s mental health is taking a steadily ride down from caring Hyunjin and giving herself excuses that Hyunjin’s perfectly healthy. 

She picks up the remote control and turns off the television, she stands up and heads towards the kitchen. Heejin stands in front of the oven, a small smile spread across herself as a wonderful idea flash by in her mind.

Tying up her hair, Heejin wears her apron and grabs a bag of flour. If playing Hyunjin’s favourite movies wouldn’t work, she’ll try to bake Hyunjin’s favourite bread. Food always brings people together; she hopes it’ll be able to bring Hyunjin back to her to spend the next five days together. 

The wonderful smell of baked goodies floods the whole apartment, the scent drift towards the master bedroom where Hyunjin’s at. Hyunjin’s nose scrunches up a little when she picks up the scent of freshly baked bread, it jolts her up from her afternoon slumber. She pushes herself up slowly and rests her back against the bedframe, her hand reach forward to pull her wheelchair towards her.

She pulls the brake of the wheelchair before she slowly shifts her body to the side so she can fall onto the wheelchair. However, the break isn’t pulled down properly. When she places her hand on the seat of the wheelchair, the wheelchair moves away from her causing her to fall onto the ground with a loud thud. 

Tears brim in Hyunjin’s eyes as she falls flat onto the ground, her hand hitting the ground frustratedly. She can't even do a simple thing as getting herself onto the wheelchair.

Heejin hears a crash coming from the master bedroom when she’s placing the bread into the basket. She quickly stops whatever she’s doing and rushes into the room, her heart completely shatters when she sees the sight of a crying Hyunjin on the ground. She rushes towards the girl and pulls Hyunjin up into her lap, her arms tightly wrapped around Hyunjin’s body as she let the girl cry onto her. 

“Why didn’t you call for me?” Heejin sighs out as she runs her hand up and down Hyunjin’s back, hoping it would soothe Hyunjin. Hyunjin buries her face into the crooks of Heejin’s neck, her hand grabbing a handful of Heejin’s clothes from how hard she’s holding onto the girl. That act cause Heejin’s heart to shatter into millions and millions of pieces, her mask has started to crack a little more. 

“I just wanted to be independent,” Hyunjin sobs out. She feels Heejin patting her back softly, she wonders how long she can feel this intimate moment with Heejin. She knows very well that Heejin’s hurting as much as she is and it pains her so much that she can barely do anything about it, she can’t even help herself what more can she do to help Heejin. 

Everyday Hyunjin would see Heejin give her the brightest smile that she can muster when the girl comes home from work. Heejin must care for her after a long day of work because the girl refuses to let anyone care for Hyunjin other than herself. She tries her very best to not ask Heejin to aid her in everything she does, from getting onto her wheelchair to showering. Sometimes things like her falling off her bed happen when Heejin isn’t around, she’s prepared to deal with it when Heejin is not around but today she couldn’t help it but to cry out her frustrations out on the girl.

“I told you that you could depend on me!” Heejin scolds Hyunjin softly, she just hates how stubborn Hyunjin can be. She tries to give in to the girl in everything but things like this, Heejin can’t help but talk some sense into the girl. She’s willing to do everything for Hyunjin because she loves the girl dearly. She even vows to care for Hyunjin till death do them apart during their wedding vows. The vows that Heejin holds onto strongly, gives herself the motivation she needs to move on with Hyunjin.

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin apologise softly, her hold on Heejin relaxes. Heejin lets out a sigh and hugs Hyunjin tighter in her hold, hoping it would assure Hyunjin that no matter what happens she wouldn’t let go of Hyunjin. 

“I’ll be here for you, trust me. I’ll not let anything bad happen to you,” Heejin whispers out as she rests her head on Hyunjin’s shoulder.

“I love you,” Hyunjin whispers out as she places a soft kiss on Heejin’s neck. This cause Heejin to finally let it all out. Hyunjin feels her shoulder getting wet from Heejin’s tears, she chews on her bottom lip to stop herself from crying. She pats Heejin’s head gently as she comforts Heejin, the only thing that she could do to help the girl. Finally, Heejin’s letting her mask crumble a little. It makes Hyunjin feels a little better because she knows she still can be there for Heejin like this. Hyunjin can vividly remember the sight of a crying Heejin when they were at the hospital for her MRI Scan of her brain. 

_Heejin lets out a shaky breath as she sits in the driver seat of her Toyota car, her face buried in the palms of her hands. The results of Hyunjin's MRI scan was bad and it meant at any time it could get worse for the girl. Heejin wishes she's the one who gets it so she can experience the pain that Hyunjin's going through._

_“Why is this happening to Hyunjin?!” Heejin cries as she hits her own head with her fist, she never stopped until she feels a throbbing pain on her head. She falls back into the leather seat and chokes on her tears. She slaps a hand to cover her mouth as her car was filled with her quiet sobbing, she couldn’t stop crying. Heejin can feel her heart getting rip into a million pieces when she sees the defeated stance Hyunjin had when she heard the news._

_"There's bleeding in her brain as seen here on the scan," the doctor says as he circles the part of the brain where the bleeding is occurring at._

_"Is there anything that we can do to help?" Heejin asks, trying to play a pro-active role to help soothe Hyunjin's pain. The doctor shakes his head and it angers Heejin. The girl slams her hand on the table and starts scolding the doctor for his incompetency. Nurses have to come in to hold Heejin down and comfort the crying girl._

_Hyunjin's vision turns blurry from her tears when she sees Heejin crying her hearts out in the car. She clutches onto her chest, her heart has never hurt so much until then. She leans against the car door and slides down slowly until her butt his the ground. The two of them stayed there like that crying in the hospital carpark._

-

Another day has passed. The sun has risen from its slumber. Hyunjin’s eyes wide open, staring at the white ceiling of her bedroom. She turns her head to the unfamiliar figure next to her sleeping soundly, she has no idea who that person is but her heart skips a beat at the sight of the beauty next to her. A frown forms on her face, she may have no recollection of the girl but her heart tells her that she's known this person for a very long time. 

Hyunjin takes in a deep breath and turns her head to look at the photo frames on the wall, she's in every one of them. She wonders what's her relationship with the girl next to her. She turns to her wheelchair and slowly shifts her body to the edge of the bed. With the support of the coffee table by the bed, she manages to get on her wheelchair. 

Hyunjin wheels herself to the windows and draw the curtains, her eyes light up upon the sight of snow. Since when did it start snowing? Hyunjin wonders as she pushes the window open and a gush of cold wind enters the room.

"Hy-Hyunjin, close the window! I'm cold," a sleepy Heejin speaks out as she turns to her side, her back facing Hyunjin. Hyunjin frowns at that but does what she's told to do. She makes her way to the sleeping girl and pulls the cover over Heejin's shoulder, making sure the girl is properly tucked in.

"Sleep well," Hyunjin says as she tucks the loose strains of hair on the sleeping girl's face behind the girl's ear. She let a small smile appear on her face before she leaves the bedroom and into the study room. 

Hyunjin's hand reach for the heart-shaped key on the table and unlock the locked drawer, she pulls out a book and another inside the drawer. 

A frown forms on her face, she doesn't remember owning that many notebooks in her locked drawer. She opens one of the notebooks and flips open to a random page, her eyes widen when she reads what she writes.

_‘The day was 20th December. The day before, I had a small fight with Heejin. I left her alone on the balcony while I went back to our room to mope about my illness. I fell asleep halfway and was woken by the smell of delicious baked goodies. Just as I was about to try to get on my wheelchair, I fell off the bed and landed on my face. The sheer fact that I couldn't feel pain in my elbows and arms made me cry because I know I'm nowhere near getting better. Heejin rushes into the room to help me and I've never been so apologetic to her so much until then. I can't even do something as simple as getting on my wheelchair, every aspect of my life I need Heejin to be there to help me._

_After that, Heejin tries to cheer me up by telling me that she's baked my favourite bread. My mood improved almost immediately because I not only get to enjoy my favourite bread, I get to enjoy the bread made with love. With the help of Heejin, I got back on my wheelchair and we headed to the living room for some snacks. My eyes lit up at the sight of our strawberry jam that we've made, I was glad it turned out well!’_

Hyunjin frowns and scratches her head, she’s trying her best to remember what she did the day before. She prays her short-term memory isn’t that bad and she still can remember what happened the day before. She can't possibly be able to forget something so recent like last night. Hyunjin balls out her hand and starts hitting her head, thinking it might help regain her memory.

A relief sigh is heard coming from Hyunjin when she finally can remember something from last night. She can remember how her heart skips a beat upon the sight of a smiling Heejin when she passes Heejin a slice of toast which has their homemade strawberry jam on it.

_“Thank you!” Heejin grins as she takes a big bite of the bread that she made with Hyunjin. Her eyes widen when her taste buds are welcomed by the sweet taste of strawberry jam. The strawberry jam that she and Hyunjin made a week ago tastes delicious, she’s thankful that Hyunjin’s there to help her to make the strawberry jam._

_“It tastes good right?” Hyunjin laughs out when she sees Heejin’s mouth covered with bread crumbs. Heejin nods her head profusely and goes to take another big bite, causing more breadcrumbs to gather at the corner of her mouth._

_"It's the only family recipe that I can remember," Hyunjin thought to herself as she looks at Heejin enjoying herself. She quickly clasps her hands together when she feels a prickling sensation on her hand. Her hands start to tremble and she quickly interlocks her finger together._

_"I can't wait to bake more bread so I can have more of such toast!" Heejin beams as she reaches forward to grab another slice of jam toast. Hyunjin takes a deep breath and reaches forward towards Heejin. Her fingers reach over to pick the bread crump off Heejin’s mouth before she places it into her mouth to clean her finger._

_That act cause Heejin to blush and choke on her bread, they may be married for seven years but act like this still make Heejin’s mind go haywire._

_"You like it that much?"_

_“yeah! We should make more to give it away!” Heejin exclaims as she holds out the toast for Hyunjin to take a bite. Hyunjin nods her head and eats the toast that Heejin is holding out for her. The two continue to feed each other the remaining slices of toast as they watch Hyunjin’s favourite movie, Spirited Away._

_“We should watch Joker next,” Hyunjin suggests mid-way in their viewing of the movie._

_“why?”_

_“I saw the trailer and I think it’s funny,” Hyunjin replies, batting her eyelash at Heejin. Heejin lets out a snort and nods her head, she changes the movie that they were viewing to Joker. She turns her attention to Hyunjin, her eyes filled with love as she watches the love of her life laugh to something that she thinks isn’t funny. However, laughter still escapes her mouth because Hyunjin thinks it’s funny. As long as Hyunjin’s able to laugh like that, she’s contented with everything that she has right now. All she needs is Hyunjin._

Hyunjin lets out a shaky breath, her hand covering her mouth. She can’t believe she nearly forget such a beautiful moment with Heejin. She still can’t figure out what her relationship with Heejin is but she’s sure they are more than just friends. She flips to a new page of the book and picks up her pen, deciding to pen down her memory loss and how she’s struggling to put a word to her relationship with Heejin. Hyunjin can't bring herself to tell Heejin that she's forgotten about the girl too, her heart tells her not to hurt the girl by doing that.

Hyunjin places her pen down and stares at her notebooks, suddenly her memories come rushing back to her. She let out a relieved sigh, it's just temporary memory loss. She can remember the notebooks now, they are her diary to remember her days spent with Heejin. She has been penning down her days with Heejin since seven years ago. This is the fourth book and she hopes she’ll be able to finish the book before her days come to an end. 

Hyunjin’s still debating whether she wishes for the writings of her love story with Heejin to be published. She wonders if anyone would want to read about her love life and how she’s going to leave the world before even finish seeing the world with the love of her life. A sigh escapes her mouth and her hands cover her face as tears escape her eyes.

“I wonder how long more I can live,” Hyunjin cries out in the study room. Unknown to her that Heejin’s standing by the door, listening to her crying her hearts out to herself. Her hands ball up into a fist by her side, she closes the door shut softly to not alert Hyunjin. Heejin makes her way to the balcony and gives a call to Hyunjin’s publisher, hoping to come out with a plan to publish Hyunjin’s book after the girl passes on. 

Heejin bites on her nail as she listens to Hyunjin's publisher talk to her, she has nothing much in her mind but she hopes that the publisher and her can work something out. She wants their love story to live on and more importantly, Hyunjin's view of life with her to live on.

-

The floor of the living room is covered with plastic wraps and opened cardboard boxes. Hyunjin's having her afternoon nap when she wakes up to see Heejin struggling to carry a mini Christmas tree into the house. 

"Let's decorate this Christmas tree!" Heejin beams as she rushes into the storeroom and carries out three cardboard boxes. In them contains Christmas ornaments and fake snow carpet. Hyunjin digs through the boxes and finds herself a cute snowman ornament, she holds it out for Heejin to put it at a location that is at her eye-level. 

"Is it too tall for you?" Hyunjin asks when she sees Heejin going on her tippy toes to put the star on the top of the Christmas tree. 

"Nope! I got it covered!" 

Hyunjin nods her head and looks at Heejin decorate the Christmas tree with heart eyes. Till today, she still hasn't figured out their relationship. All she knows is that she and Heejin have been together for a very long time, maybe close to ten years. 

Heejin's about to wrap LED lights around the Christmas tree when Hyunjin calls out for her. She turns her head to the girl and picks up the basket of Christmas ornaments from Hyunjin’s lap and place it on the coffee table. She squats down and looks up at the girl, “yes?”

“Do you want to go out for a walk?” Hyunjin suggests when she sees the sky is clear today, she’s been wanting to head outside to experience the snow properly and today happens to be a good day. Heejin’s eyes widen and she quickly nods her head, she stands up and runs to the room to gather their stuff.

“Never thought you’ll ask; Let’s go for a walk!” Heejin beams as she helps Hyunjin wear the knitted coat that she has knit while waiting for Hyunjin during her visits to the hospital. Hyunjin’s eyes turn into crescent moons from how wide she’s smiling. The two of them make their way out of the apartment building and into the busy streets. Hyunjin’s eyes sparkle as she sees the Christmas decoration being put up to decorate the neighbourhood, from inflatable Santa to LED lights hanging from the streetlamp.

“Where do you want to go Hyun?” Heejin asks as she pushes Hyunjin around, they have been walking aimlessly for a while now as the two savoured each other company. For Hyunjin, it has been an eye-opening experience because it’s been a while for her since she left her house. She’ll always be asleep during the car rides to the hospital and back so she hasn’t been able to see the changes in the neighbourhood. 

“Do you want to go to the park?” Hyunjin suggests and Heejin nods her head. The two of them turn the corner and walk past their apartment building’s carpark. Their eyes catch sight of a mother and daughter duo taking a polaroid photo under the snow. 

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

“Merry Christmas.” 

Hyunjin watches the mom’s mouth move as they watch the daughter wave the film around in the air for the photos to develop. She smiles softly to herself; it reminds her of her own mother who did the same thing when Hyunjin was younger. Till now Hyunjin has that polaroid photo with her, she has kept it safe with her in her wallet beside her photo with Heejin. She's glad she hasn't forgotten about her memories with her mother yet.

“Do you want to take a polaroid photo like them?” Heejin asks when she sees Hyunjin’s eye getting a little teary from the beautiful sight of the happy mother and daughter duo. Hyunjin turns back and looks at Heejin with wide eyes, “can we?”

“of course, I’m lucky to have brought my camera along.” Hyunjin’s eyes shine when she sees Heejin pulling out the pink polaroid camera from her beg. Heejin squats down next to Hyunjin and lifts her hand that is holding the camera up.

“Merry Christmas to Hyunjin!” Heejin giggles before placing a swift kiss on Hyunjin’s cheek to snap that photo. Hyunjin’s eyes widen and she touches her reddening cheek with a shy smile, she hopes Heejin doesn’t see her burning red face. She watches as Heejin fans the film to develop the photo for a while before passing the photo to her. 

“now you have another Christmas polaroid photo in your wallet!” Heejin cheers as she continues to push Hyunjin towards the park. 

“yeah,” Hyunjin mumbles out and nods her head to herself, she’s enjoying her time out with Heejin a lot. She feels like she has done something familiar with Heejin before as she can vaguely remember doing something similar with Heejin.

It didn’t take long for the two to reach the park. Giggles and screams are heard from the playground when the two steps into the park. Hyunjin’s eyes light up upon the sight of the children running around as they play a game of tag, reminding her again just how much she loves kid. She really wishes one day she’ll have her own kids to play with, she’ll love to put them on her shoulders as they run around in the park. However, that’s something that would never happen given Hyunjin’s condition. One can only dream of such a happy life.

The two continue their journey, they venture deeper into the park when their eyes catch sight of a short-haired woman and a brunette woman at the side. The two of them stop and watches their interaction. That interaction reminds Heejin of their first counter. The first time they met nine years ago.

_“Bori,” Heejin calls out for her pet by shaking the leash. Bori looks up at its owner and waggles his tail, making Heejin smile softly at him. She squats down and ruffles Bori’s fur before her hand goes to scratch Bori’s chin._

_“Woof!”_

_“wah! who’s a happy boy,” Heejin coos as she watches Bori lay down on its back and she reached over to ruffle Bori’s stomach. She’s so busy playing with Bori that she fails to see a beautiful lady watching her with envious eyes. The lady walks towards Heejin and squats down next to the dog, her reaching out hesitantly towards Simon’s stomach._

_“Can I?” the lady asks._

_Heejin looks up and nods her head quickly, moving her hand away so the girl could pet Bori. She rests her chin on her palm as she watches the girl have fun playing with Bori, she thinks she just saw an angel, a very beautiful one._

_“How old is your pet dog miss?” the girl asks without removing her attention from Bori. Bori lets out a loud ‘woof’ when the girl goes to scratch Bori’s head._

_“My boy, Bori, here is 4 years old,” Heejin says proudly as she gets Bori to sit up to impress the girl. It works because the girl started clapping their hands ecstatically like a seal. She lets out a laugh and passes some treats to the girl for her to feed Bori. Bori is enjoying the attention too because of the big smile on his face._

_“Hi Bori! I’m Hyunjin!” the girl, Hyunjin, grins as she held her hands out. Hyunjin’s eyes widen when she sees Bori placing his paws on top of her palm, she lets out a happy squeal. Heejin’s heart does a small flip when she sees the girl’s reaction, she can’t believe it but she may have just fallen in love at first sight with the girl._

_“I’m Heejin,” Heejin introduce herself and holds her hand out for Hyunjin to shake. Hyunjin lets out a laugh and shakes Heejin’s hand before going to compliment the girl’s look and Bori. Heejin’s heart skips a beat at that and she really thinks Hyunjin’s the one for her, her ideal one._

“I can’t believe you did that,” Hyunjin chortles at that. She can't remember that incident at all but hearing from Heejin, she thinks Heejin's a unique one. Falling head over heels for a complete stranger because she thinks Hyunjin is pretty. 

Heejin lets out a contented sigh as she rests her back against the bench. The two has settled down somewhere in the middle of the park, where they can still see the kids playing but still enjoy the quietness of the park. 

“Well I did that and now I’m married to the love of my life!” Heejin sings as she drapes an arm around Hyunjin’s shoulder, she pulls Hyunjin close to her and places a kiss on the girl’s cheek. Hyunjin's eyes widen at that information, she's married to Heejin. All the events in the notebook and how her heart would flutter when she sees Heejin finally make sense to Hyunjin. She may have forgotten about Heejin but her heart hasn't.

“I’ll do it over and over again if I could,” Heejin admits, “I’ll want to be your lover forever and eternity.”

“I wonder who’s the writer now,” Hyunjin squints her eyes at Heejin and Heejin laughs out loud.

“I learn from the best!” 

Hyunjin smiles at Heejin's bright smile, she's really lucky to have married Heejin. She wonders how she'll cope with her illness if Heejin isn't her wife and with her right now.

-

The two of them reach home after their short outing at the park. Heejin's already in bed fast asleep while Hyunjin remains in her study room. Hyunjin opens up one of her notebooks and flips open to a random page, she's trying to see if she could remember any events stated in the notebook. As she continues reading on, her heart suddenly stops when she sees the ink on the page getting smeared.

_I...I'm going to get assisted suicide in Canada in a few months. My condition isn't getting better and I don't want to prolong any more of my sufferings as well as Heejin's ones. I've seen how tired Heejin gets after coming home from work and to care for me right after makes my heartache. I've sought the help of my doctor and Haseul to lie Heejin about my trip to Canada during that time. I don't want Heejin to be by my side and watch me die slowly, I wouldn't want her to see me in that state. The most miserable state of me. Haseul will tell Heejin that I've died a week after my assisted suicide and to help me care for the girl, making sure she's well taken care of after my passing. I've also signed the organ donation forms, I wish that my other healthy organs can help save many lives on my behalf. I know it's selfish of me to hide this from Heejin but can't help myself to make such a decision. I need to end my own sufferings first before it ends me and many others around me. If you're seeing this Heejin, I'm sorry and I love you._

Hyunjin's jaw slacks at what she's written. She can't believe she makes such a decision, her hand clutch onto her chest when she feels a sharp pain. She lets out a painful cry when she feels a pounding headache in her head. She drops her head into her other hand and grabs a fistful of her hair as pain shoots through her body.

Hyunjin rests her head on the table as she tries to catch her breath. Her heavy panting fills up the study room, she's glad Heejin's not awake to see her in such a state. Her grip on the table is so hard that it makes her knuckles turn white. She lifts her head up slowly as pain overwhelms her, she's trying her best to not her cries wake Heejin up.

Hyunjin slowly makes her way to their shared bedroom but she makes sure to stop next to Heejin first before she goes to her side of the bed. She reaches her trembling hand out to cup Heejin's face, her thumbs swipe across Heejin's rosy cheeks. 

"I'm sorry," Hyunjin apologies softly as tears brim in her eyes. "I'm so sorry that I have to cause you to suffer with me." 

"I wish I'm not your wife so you don't have to suffer this illness with me," Hyunjin sobs out as she holds Heejin's hand tightly in hers. Unknown to her, Heejin's wide awake. Heejin could hear Hyunjin's cries and her apologies to her were like a stab to her heart. She tries her best to not cry in front of Hyunjin. However, a lone tear still manages to escape from the corner of her eye which cause many to follow after.

"I'm sorry."

-

Today's Christmas eve and the two is spending their time at home. Heejin and Hyunjin didn't speak about the night after their outing, they choose to keep that night a hidden secret so they wouldn't talk about it. Hyunjin wakes up first and struggles to get on her wheelchair before going to her study room to pen down that night.

Her hands wouldn't stop shaking during her writing, she takes a long time to rest just to stop her hands from shaking. Hyunjin can feel her chest tightening and her vision getting worse by the hour. She hopes she's okay. She shut her eyes and rest her head on her arms, hoping to relax and stop the throbbing pain at the back of her eye. After a while, she lifts up her head and decides to go back to her notebook wanting to read something happy to cheer herself up.

Flipping open the first one, she flips to a random page and her eyes widen at what she has written. It’s their encounter in university when they are still acquaintances after their introduction at the park.

_Pinching the bridge of her nose, Hyunjin’s trying her best to relax after a hectic day. She woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning and was grumpy the entire morning. Next, Hyunjin had to run after her school bus so she wouldn’t be late. She didn’t care if there wasn’t any seat for her, but someone just had to shove her around in the bus during the journey. Finally getting off the hectic and terrible bus ride, Hyunjin had to make a run to her class so she wouldn’t miss her exams._

_She walks out of the campus with her phone in her hand, she was about to dial Yerim’s phone number when her phone was suddenly snatched away from her. She let out a loud gasp when she whips her head to the thief who is taking off quickly with her mobile phone in their hand._

_“YAH! COME BACK!” Hyunjin yells as she shrugs off her bag off her back and goes on full sprint at the thief._

_“YOU! YOU’LL DIE IN MY HAND!” Hyunjin screams like how a death metal singer would. The thief turns back, and their eyes widen at how fast Hyunjin s catching up._

_“ONCE I CATCH YOU! YOU’LL BE DEAD! AND I’LL SHOVE A STICK UP YOUR ASSHOLE LIKE A BBQ!” Hyunjin yells as she removes one of her shoes and hurls it at the thief. She was about to hurl it at the thief when Heejin appears out of nowhere and tackles the thief to the ground. Hyunjin runs up to the two and watches the thief struggle under Heejin’s knee._

_“Here you go,” Heejin grunts as she pulls Hyunjin’s phone out of the thief tight hold and pass it to the girl. Hyunjin’s heart skips a beat at that and she thinks Heejin’s the knight in her shiny armour to rescue her like in all those Disney movies that she loves to watch._

_“thank you,” Hyunjin whispers out as she watches Heejin combs her hair back using her fingers. Heejin stands up and pants out, her finger pointing at the thief, “You’re lucky! If not I’d have dox you.” The thief takes this chance to scramble back up onto his feet and make a run into the alleyway._

_“Are you okay?” Heejin questions as she checks Hyunjin’s body for any injuries. Instead of giving the girl a normal reply, Hyunjin blurts out, “I like you.”_

“oh my god…why did I do that…” present-day Hyunjin cringes out when she reads what happens during that day. A chuckle escapes her mouth and she shakes her head. This story does lift up her mood up after last night. She’s just glad Heejin didn’t think of her as a weirdo and still went out with her. She’s lucky to meet someone like Heejin, she thinks she’s used up all the luck she has to meet her, and she’s glad she did that. Heejin’s everything she has ever asked for and she’s sorry for causing so much pain for the girl. 

Hyunjin's flipping through her notebook when her eyes catch a glimpse of the time. It's already late evening and Heejin hasn't wakened up from her nap. She decides that she should go wake the girl up so that they have brunch together. She pulls her brake up and slowly moves back so she can turn to leave the room. However, her vision suddenly turns dark and she couldn't see anything. 

Hyunjin panics at that. With a swipe of her hand, the sound of books crashing to the ground can be heard in the apartment. Her arms tremble as she feels something trickling down her cheeks. She quickly touches her face and realises she's crying. 

Hyunjin quickly moves back and her wheelchair hit the bookshelf, causing more books to fall to the ground. One, in particular, hit her right smack on the head. That amplified the throbbing pain that's already in her head. Hyunjin's hand waves around to feel the wall. Once she did, Hyunjin tries her best to stand up to walk to their master bedroom.

Hyunjin's leg shakes as she drags herself to the master bedroom with zero vision. Her leg hits the corner of the walls when she tries to leave the study room. Her hands outstretched, feeling around the wall and hoping to feel a doorknob. Suddenly, she feels her airways tightening. Hyunjin falls to the ground and curls up into a ball. She cries out loudly, but no voice is heard coming out from her mouth and it scares her. The pain in her head is getting worse by the second.

Hyunjin scratches her throat as she tries her best to scream for Heejin's name but to no avail. All she managed to gasp out in her attempt to call for help was, "Hee!"

Hyunjin lets out fits of cough, each one getting more and more painful. She struggles to get on her knee and she rests her head on the ground. Her hand clutches onto her chest as she leans forward to catch her breath. Her legs turn numb and she feels a wave of dizziness rush over her. Hyunjin falls to her side and feels her muscle growing numb before her hearts stop beating.

-

The sound of the books crashing onto the ground wakes Heejin up. Heejin quickly jumps out of bed and rushes out of the room to see Hyunjin on the ground, barely breathing. Her hands shake as she makes a call for help. She scoops Hyunjin up into her arms and light tap Hyunjin's face.

"Hyun! Wake up please, help is coming!" Heejin cries as she continues to tap Hyunjin's cheek, hoping it would wake the girl up. She checks the girl's pulse, it's still there but it's very weak. It didn't take long for the paramedics to arrive. Heejin sits on the side as she watches the Paramedics do CPR on Hyunjin as the ambulance rushes them to the nearest hospital. Tears wouldn't stop streaming down her face as she holds onto Hyunjin's cold hand. 

Heejin watch as a group of doctors and nurse rush to Hyunjin and rushes the girl past the doors of the A&E room. She slaps a hand over her mouth as she chokes on her tears, blaming herself for not being awake earlier to help Hyunjin. 

She paces in front of Hyunjin's room where she's immediately warded to upon her arrival. Heejin bites on her nails nervously as she prays for a piece of good news from the doctor. Though her heart has been prepared to take any possible bad news that will be delivered to her, she still hopes for a good one. Any silver lining of hope would be sufficient for Heejin.

Just as Heejin is about to take a seat on the chair outside Hyunjin's ward. The doctor walks out of the room with a grim look on his face. Heejin freeze in her spot, her face drained of colour. The doctor let out a sigh as he places a hand on Heejin's shoulder, giving the girl a soft squeeze.

"I'm sorry," the doctor starts trying to not let a crying Heejin affect him too much. "She's brain dead and we have put her on life support."

"You can choose to keep her on life support but I suggest you not to because she's already dead and keeping her on life support might just bring you more sufferings than relief to her," the doctor adds on as he watches Heejin shake under his hold. Heejin nods her head and thanks the doctor before she walks into Hyunjin's ward. She finally lets it all out when she sees many wires attached to the love of her life's body. The many machines that surround Hyunjin and the constant beeping coming from them makes Heejin's cry louder.

Heejin's lip trembles as she makes her way to Hyunjin's lifeless body, she looks up and sees the heart monitor. Hyunjin's heart is still beating and her chest is still moving but it's all from the life support that's given to her. Her head falls into her hands as she's reminded again that Hyunjin's already dead, the only thing that's keeping her still 'alive' is the machines that are attached to her.

"Can you hear me?" Heejin asks as she holds Hyunjin's lifeless hand. She chokes on her tears when she hears no reply. Not even a movement from Hyunjin can be felt.

"It's soon to be Christmas Hyun," Heejin sobs out as she places a soft kiss on the back of Hyunjin's hand, holding them tight to warm the girl's hand up. She hopes Hyunjin can feel them on the other side of the world. 

"You like to see the Mistletoes right?" Heejin sniffs as she talks to Hyunjin. She reaches forward to grab the Mistletoe that hangs on the hospital wall and holds it above her and Hyunjin's head. 

"Merry Christmas," Heejin whispers out as she places a kiss on Hyunjin's lip when she sees the hour clock hit twelve. Her head rests against Hyunjin's arm as she cries softly to herself, wetting Hyunjin's arm in the process. 

After a while, Heejin pulls herself up slowly and walks out of Hyunjin's ward. She looks up and sees the doctor from just now waiting for her outside Hyunjin's ward. With a nod of her head, Heejin steps aside and says, "you can put her off life support."

"Thank you," the doctor says as he motions for a group of nurses to follow him. Heejin just nods her head and slumps onto the chair outside Hyunjin's ward. Her head hung low as she tries to get a hold of herself.

-

It's been a week since Hyunjin's passing. Heejin has just finished doing all the paperwork on behalf of Hyunjin from her organ donation to the publishing of her book. She finally steps inside Hyunjin's study room after avoiding that room for the longest time when she gets home from the hospital. She bends down to pick up the stuff that's scattered on the ground from Hyunjin that day. Heejin place it all back to its original position and takes a seat on Hyunjin's armchair. Even though Hyunjin's not with her anymore, but the atmosphere of the room still manages to comfort her heart a little. As she still has traces of Hyunjin left with her and the memories of Hyunjin writing about their stories at her study desk. 

Heejin's hand reach over for the book and flips through it, reading everything that Hyunjin has written. 

Some make her tear up and her heartache when she reads what Hyunjin write.

_'I was out getting breakfast for Heejin and myself when I stumbled upon an injured bird. I watch it struggle to cross the road. I was so engrossed watching it that I failed to see the coming car. My eyes shut immediately and turn my head away from the gruesome scene. I relate to the bird because we're both in the same predicament. I'm sick while the bird is injured. The car represents death. It comes so quickly that you don't feel the pain after a while. Relief will come rushing after me as I break free from my illness. I hope I'll feel relief and happy after I die. Especially for Heejin, I hope you can finally let out a relieved sigh. The journey is over and she can finally relax and to care for herself again.'_

While some make her laugh out softly to herself.

_'It's been a month since I've started dating Heejin but her mom doesn't know about us! To play a sweet prank on Heejin, I got someone to deliver a parcel for her and sign off with my surname. It definitely earned the attention of Mama Jeon as she questions her daughter about her 'boyfriend'. To make matters 'worse' I horn the car horn and it catches Mama Jeon's attention. Heejin had to rush down and scold me for it.'_

Heejin lets out a snort, she can remember clearly their encounter during that day. She's so angry that she nearly pulled Hyunjin's head off the girl's body.

_“Who got you this?” Mama Jeon questions Heejin when she sees her daughter pull out a beautiful dress from the velvety box._

_“a friend.”_

_“your boyfriend?” Mama Jeon asks and Heejin shakes her head quickly before her face contours into a disgusted look._

_“I don’t have a boyfriend,” she whispered out and her mother turns to her, “you got yourself a sugar daddy?”_

_“NO GOD! EW! Mom! What the hell,” Heejin said loudly with a disgusted look on her face, her mother just let out a laugh and place the dress on Heejin._

_“You look, beautiful darling,” Mama Jeon complimented her daughter and it caused Heejin's cheeks to turn red._

_“really?”_

_“of course!”_

_“my daughter looks beautiful in anything!” Heejin let a smile form on her face as she snuggled closer to her mom, she missed hugging her mother like this. Their mother and daughter moment was ruined when they heard loud beeping from downstairs, her mother turned to the sound and turned back to Heejin._

_“Someone’s waiting for you?”_

_Heejin shrugs her shoulder and shakes her head, she walks out to the balcony and looks down. Hyunjin was leaning against her car on her phone, she stopped using her phone and look up to see her girlfriend glaring at her._

_“A frown doesn’t look good on you!” Hyunjin yelled._

_“Shut up! Why are you here?!”_

_“That frown looks sexy on you!” Hyunjin hollers. Heejin quickly turns back to see her mother smiling at her, she hopes her mother didn't hear Hyunjin's words._

_“Who’s that?” her mother asks wanting to go to Heejin when Heejin quickly stops her mom, sweat forming on her forehead._

_“Keep it down! We’re not at some private property, everyone can hear you!”_

_“EVERYBODY! HEEJIN HAS A GOOD BOD- “_

_“SHUT UP!” Heejin yells out, louder than Hyunjin, to cover up what Hyunjin was yelling out. Hyunjin let out a cheeky grin and motions for the girl to come down._

_“mom, I’m going to go to school now," Heejin says quickly and kiss her mom goodbye. Once she reached the ground floor, she storms to Hyunjin's car and gets in. Before Hyunjin can say anything, Heejin sends numerous slaps to Hyunjin's arm and gave the girl an earful._

_"I see you're very awake for class now," Hyunjin grins as she pinches Heejin's cheeks gently. Heejin puffs up her cheeks and swats Hyunjin's hands away before she enjoys her car ride with Hyunjin. Sometimes she wonders why she dates someone like Hyunjin but she doesn't regret dating the girl. Dating the girl's one of the best things she's ever done._

Heejin lets out a sigh, she's reaching towards the end of Hyunjin's last notebook. She flips through the pages and reads on until the last page of the notebook. She reads through what's written on it and realises it's not finished. Hyunjin died before she could finish her sentences. Picking up Hyunjin's pen, Heejin decides to finish what Hyunjin wants to say. 

_'Today is Christmas Eve and the time now is 9.35 pm. Heejin is still asleep from her afternoon nap and I'm glad she's finally taking a rest after a long day of cleaning the house and baking cookies with me. The sky looks beautiful today, I'm glad I got to see such a beautiful sight again. Something tells me that I wouldn't be able to see it again after tonight, I hope it wouldn't be true. However, if it does come true, I hope the sky will be nice to me and show Heejin many of such beautiful skies when she wakes up. To Heejin, who might read this page, I just want to tell you that I'm very grateful for everything that you've done. I'm sorry that I've troubled you so much over the years, I had to depend on the previous notebook to remember them. In a few more hours, it'll be Christmas. I wonder if you'll wake up just in time to celebrate Christmas with me. I've secretly bought a mistletoe online and hang it up in the living room so when we stand underneath it we can share a kiss! It's been a while now and you haven't wake up from your nap...I'm going to wake you up. Oh! Before I leave, I need to tell you this...'_

With a contented smile, Heejin gathers all the notebook and her bag, she's heading to Hyunjin's publisher to publish Hyunjin and her stories. A book that she can hold onto and remind her about her happiest time and love with Hyunjin.

_'My Heejin, I love you so much, Merry Christmas.'_

The end.

**Author's Note:**

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